By Wesley Gallagher
We’ll know abuse when we see it. That’s what we believe, and it makes us feel safe. Sure, your friend could be hiding the fact that her partner is abusive, or you might not notice warning signs before abuse starts, but surely, once abuse begins, you’ll be able to recognize it.
Or will you?
A new term, “ambient gaslighting” describes a type of abuse that is so insidious, its victims don’t even recognize that it’s happening.
What is Ambient Gaslighting?
Coined by physician psychiatrist Dr. Grant Brenner, ambient gaslighting is described by USA TODAY as “the subtle undercurrents of mistreatment or disrespect that we experience in small doses and may not realize are a form of gaslighting.”
Gaslighting, as you probably know, is a form of emotional abuse and manipulation in which a person makes their victim question reality, causing them to second-guess their perception of events and their memories.
Techniques and types of gaslighting include:
- Love-Bombing
Gaslighting in romantic relationships usually starts with early and intense intimacy that forms a strong bond. This makes it difficult for victims to disentangle themselves from the relationship later.
- Lying
Dishonesty is a cornerstone of gaslighting. Lying is used to throw the victim off-kilter and make them question reality.
- Isolating
By isolating the victim, a gaslighter is able to control the narrative and create an us-versus-them mentality.
- Blame-Shifting and Accusing
A gaslighter will blame their victim for things that are not their fault, making them feel like the perpetrator rather than the victim.
- Rewriting History
Events are often retold in favorable terms for the person gaslighting. This is yet another way victims become disoriented from reality and begin to question their own trustworthiness.
Gaslighting is a common technique used by narcissists and people with narcissistic personality traits, but a person doesn’t have to have a mental health disorder to be capable of gaslighting.
These tactics are so subtle that you might not even recognize them to be what they really are.
In instances of ambient abuse or gaslighting, these tactics are so subtle that you might not even recognize them to be what they really are. Instead, you may simply have a feeling of unease in a relationship or situation, something off that you can’t put your finger on.
Over time, these tiny invisible emotional cuts begin to wear down your sense of self-esteem and self-worth. Rather than distrusting the person gaslighting you, you start distrusting yourself. This creates a prime atmosphere for manipulation and control, where the perpetrator can position themselves as the trustworthy one who holds the key to truth and proper decision-making.
Ambient Abuse Examples
So what are some examples of ambient abuse and gaslighting? According to Dr. Brenner, ambient gaslighting could look like any of the following:
- Passive-aggressive communication from a friend or partner
- A boss with a leadership style that makes people afraid to speak up
- An organization that claims to be transparent but doesn’t act that way in reality
- Polarizing news organizations that put forth their version of the truth as reality, leading you to question your beliefs
- Targeted marketing that tries to subtly manipulate you into thinking you need something
If something feels off in a relationship or situation, but you can’t point to anything specific to support the feeling, it’s worth taking some time to figure out if you have fallen prey to ambient gaslighting.
Tips for Recognizing and Dealing with Ambient Gaslighting
The tricky part about ambient gaslighting is that it’s inherently hard to recognize, but there are some signs that you might be experiencing it:
- You often doubt your own emotions or perception of things.
- You often feel confused.
- You feel vulnerable and powerless.
- You find yourself taking the blame for things that weren’t your fault.
- You are often worried or anxious.
If you are in a situation where you suspect that ambient gaslighting might be happening, take some time to observe your relationship and ask whether you resonate with these signs. Also, watch out for subtle forms of the gaslighting techniques listed at the beginning of this article.
Bring in outside observers, especially if you are having trouble trusting your perception of reality. Friends and family members can be helpful in this, and a professional therapist can be especially beneficial. Someone who is trained to recognize and point out the signs of gaslighting will make it much easier for you to assess your situation and decide what to do about it.
The Meadows Malibu Is Here to Help
Victims of ambient abuse and gaslighting are susceptible to anxiety, depression, substance abuse, and suicidal thoughts, and like any abusive relationship, it is often difficult for a victim to leave. If you find yourself in this situation or are struggling with any of the above issues due to ambient gaslighting, The Meadows Malibu offers customized treatment for a range of mental health issues and addictions.
Our caring professionals seek to treat the whole person: body, mind, and spirit. Along with traditional individual and group therapy, we focus on wellness and nutrition in the healing process and offer other forms of therapy including yoga, massage, and acupuncture. Contact us today to find out how we can help you find healing and wholeness.